


Shut Your Dirty Mouth

by Snacks_4life



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Author is projecting into tubbo, Comfort, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eventual Fluff, Fluff, Gen, Hurt Toby Smith | Tubbo, Hurt/Comfort, Rated T for referenced/implied bad self-care, Self-Hatred, Tommy and Tubbo are best friends, Tommy is there to help, just a little though, they are best friends your honor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-09
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:55:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29320503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snacks_4life/pseuds/Snacks_4life
Summary: Tubbo had made a promise to himself that day. To not talk. Everyone always seemed so annoyed when he talked, so he always regretted ever opening his mouth. The catch is, Tommy had asked him to join him on discord later when he went live on the smp the same day. Tubbo couldn't just disappoint his best friend, so he complied.OR; Tommy checks up on Tubbo after stream to see if he's okay. He's not.~Title from Choke by I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME~
Relationships: Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit
Comments: 4
Kudos: 183





	Shut Your Dirty Mouth

**Author's Note:**

> TW for self hatred and implication of not eating.  
> It's written in third person but keep in mind that the narrator is in Tubbo's pov.
> 
> Hope you like it! Kodus and comments are always appreciated!
> 
> Remember that you are loved<3

Tubbo had made a promise to himself that day. To not talk. Everyone always seemed so annoyed when he talked, so he always regretted ever opening his mouth. He just couldn't help it sometimes. When he got interested in something he would more than happily share his thoughts. Started rambling like an idiot. But what could he do? It wasn’t like he could talk to anybody else, so his online friends had to suffer. And dear God when he interrupted someone. They probably hated him. Tubbo couldn’t blame them though, he even hated himself.

But it would stop now. He didn’t want that anymore.

He needed to be harder on himself, more than he already has been. Not just punishing himself after making the mistake to utter worthless words, but to avoid making that mistake to begin with. So here he was, a fairly sunny day, indoors in his room and wouldn’t talk all day. 

The catch is, Tommy had asked him to join him on discord later when he went live on the smp the same day. Tubbo couldn't just disappoint his best friend, so he complied. Therefore he arranges his terms for now -of course not without first hitting himself for knowing he would be already failing his promise- to only speak when being entitled to. 

Tubbo didn’t really know how he would manage, but he was certain to do this right this time. He didn’t want to be a bother, to be a pathetic excuse of a human he knew he was. But alas, not talking to Tommy would only do worse. He was there to make Tommy and the audience happy, not be a mood killer. So he would crack a laugh whenever Tommy made a joke and would come up with cheery replies, but he wouldn’t be the one to make the jokes and he wouldn’t take too much space; he wasn’t worth that, and he would just annoy everyone.

The clock strikes half past 7. Only half an hour left till it’s 8pm. Only a half an hour left before Tommy went live. Tubbo didn’t really know why it made him terribly anxious, but it did. 

Trying to shake off his nerves, Tubbo thought about maybe taking a snack or something. He hadn’t eaten all day, though that was normal for the boy. He only ate when his parents called him down to do so, which wasn’t that often. Even then, he walked towards the bedroom door gently placing his right hand on the door handle. However he suddenly stopped when the voices in his head got the better of him. He dropped his hand down again and turned around.

Instead he took a few steps and landed on his bed, back against the mattress as he looked up at the ceiling. 

“You really are pathetic.” Tubbo whispered harshly at himself. He felt cold. 

He hadn’t realized how long he had been laying there until the familiar sound of a discord call fills the silent room. The noise echoes in Tubbo’s eardrums as he stands up and goes for his computer. Tommy’s icon had appeared on the screen.

“Showtime.” He thought to himself. Tubbo put on a strained smile and accepted the call.

~~~

“Hey Big T wait just there I am going to end my stream.” Tommy said after calming down after a fit of laughter. Both boys had gathered around their bench outside Tommy’s house after they had said goodbye to Sam whom they had hung out with. They were only just messing around in today's stream, not really doing any lore or anything. Tubbo got confused.

“Wait already bu-” A pling sound; Tommy went deafen.

“But it hasn’t even been that long.” Tubbo finished, falling into deaf ears. Tommy at least streams for an hour, but this would just barely cut it, for sure. While Tommy said his goodbyes to his audience the other end of the line was silent.

Silence, the only thing coming from Tubbos headphones being the natural sounds of minecraft. He heard Tommys character go around and hit the ground or trees, probably asking for some primes while doing so.

Tubbo fidgeted in his chair, a lump started to form in his throat. ‘Didn’t I do okay?’ He thought to himself as he anxiously awaited Tommy to return to call.

Tubbo’s thoughts started to go elsewhere when they suddenly got snapped back by the well known pling once again and a just as familiar voice speaking from the other end.

“Hey big man I’m back.” Tommy said, not near matching the enthusiasm as before.

Tubbo stayed silent. He shouldn't say anything, he didn’t even know what to say and didn't want to ruin anything. But it was only just them now, and the silent began eating at him. Apparently it did the same for the other as Tommy let out a deep sigh. Tubbo felt his stomach ache as thoughts began forming and spun around in his head. He had disappointed him, he thought he was pathetic and worthless and-

“Hey Tubbo, are you alright?” Tubbos got quite taken aback by that question. Tommy sounded genuinely concerned, but he still covered with a little lighthearted undertone, as to keep the light atmosphere. Though they both felt the obvious setting getting heavier with every second. Tubbo cursed himself in his head. Tommy could probably tell something was up, of course he could, he was his best friend after all. Unfortunately, this made only Tubbo's stomach sink even more. This meant he would only be more of a bother to the younger than he already has been, and that didn’t sit right with Tubbo. Seconds pass. No answer.

“What’s going on? Toby?” Tommy questioned, voice now showing evident worrying for the brunette.

The usage of Tobbo’s real name startled him. He didn’t want to worry him, so he eventually decided to answer.

“Oh, well everything quite alright just wondering why you ended so early.” Tubbo replied dryerly. A poor excuse, really, but Tubbo clinged to the hope that the blonde didn’t notice any doubts in his voice. He sure was grateful they didn’t have facecam on, he most definitely wouldn’t be able to muster up some false confidence as well then.

Still, Tommy didn’t buy it.

“Tubbo, you barely spoke at all during this stream! And when we hung out with Sam you barely uttered a word! If it wasn’t for the occasional laughs I would have thought you left the call. It’s not like you.” Tommy trailed off, before softly adding.”Didn’t you see my texts? I was worried about you man.” 

Tubbo looked at his side monitor. Tommy sure enough had texted “hello u good??” along with “tubbo??” When he hadn’t replied. Tubbo then had replied with “yeah i’m fine” but it seemed Tommy had left other messages later on in stream, suggesting that he could end early if he didn’t feel good. Which was probably what he had done now. Ending exactly at the hour mark to check up on Tubbo while not seeming suspicious to the viewers.

That only made the boy in question feel even worse, still, maybe it meant someone actually cared about him and what he had to say. Well, Tubbo knew that he was cared about, but the voice inside him always made Tubbo second-guess himself and doubt if it was real. And they fueled on the comments from his friends where they could make it seem like they hated him. That they didn’t care for him.

“Tubbo you can trust me. I know I’m not all too good with emotions and shit, but you can talk to me, okay?”

Tubbo could feel hot tears falling down his cheeks and he opened his mouth. His voice came out uneven and he couldn’t help but let out a sob.

“I- I just- I’m sorry Tommy. I’m just a bother, I really tried, but it seems I still am one. I just shouldn’t talk at all, I’m sorry Tommy.” Tubbo quietly cried out, trying but failing to stay strong. He just couldn’t do anything right, could he.

“Hey, hey it’s okay no need to say sorry! Why do you feel like you shouldn’t talk?” Tommy questioned, with much concern, though he tried to keep calm for the sake of not worrying the other even more. Tubbo choked up and swallowed his tears.

“Well as I said… I’m just a bother, really. I know I’ll just end up annoying everyone...” Tubbo explained while wiping away tears just for new ones to take its place.

Tommy’s heart was breaking. Upon hearing this he couldn’t just fathom how he hadn’t noticed anything before. Tubbo always sounded happy or at least fine in call, but here he was, and he had been breaking in front of Tommy and he hadn't done anything.

“Tubbo I want you to listen to me and trust me on this.” Tommy sounded serious and all Tubbo could do to respond was to hum for clarifying that he’s listening.

Tubbo heard some shuffles and clicks before suddenly Tommy’s face on discord appeared on the screen. Tommy's eyes were puffy and his face was a bit red, probably from being close to crying too. He looked a little of a mess, honestly. Without even being asked, Tubbo followed along and pressed the button allowing his camera to start and showed his face as well. Tubbo didn’t look much better either.

Tommy’s mouth opened and he sounded soft yet serious to make sure that Tubbo felt safe, but also so there weren’t any implications for any self-questioning or doubts. 

“Tubbo, you mean so much to me and it’s hurting me that you feel like that. I want you to know that you are really cared for and loved, so much loved. You and your words are worth so much more than what you think, far more appreciated than what you believe.”

Tommy spoke so whole-heartedly and Tubbo, now not as busy crying anymore, felt warm inside. Tubbo clinged to those words, actually feeling like they were true. Throughout everything he started to sense the once broken smile to be more genuine, letting the small smile break through his lips.

“Tubbo I- Tubbo just trust me on this. We love you. Wilbur, Techno, Phil, Ranboo, Eret, Dream, me, everyone on the smp. We love you, love all of you. And we really care about you. If you wouldn’t talk, if you would continue to even think of not being worthy enough to talk, I would force you to think otherwise by sending you appreciation memes and shit.”

“No! not the appreciation memes!” Tubbo complained through a chuckle and could not stop his grin growing ever so bigger as he felt much less tense.

“Oh I will send you them alright!” Tommy cracked up, also feeling the tension significantly lift.

Their laughter ultimately died down and they smiled at each other, feeling happy in the other's presence.

“Seriously Tubbo, I really care about you. So whenever you feel unpog just call me up okay? I’m always here for you, big T.” Tommy concluded, a bright and soft smile plastered on his face making sure Tubbo believed him. Tommy was going to be there for him, he wanted to be there for Tubbo.

Tubbo received the message and gave back just as a bright and soft smile to the other. He felt loved. He was loved. Tubbo wasn’t that pathetic burden his mind kept convincing him he was. His friends would make sure the voices backed down and make Tubbo able to trust himself again, trust that he is worthy: Because he is.

**Author's Note:**

> ~<3~


End file.
